Oceanside 11/7/13
Sitting in my blue beach chair, beside the love of my life. The rain is impending. As the sun shines down the beach it's dark and scary in the distance. Scary in the fact I'm afraid I'm gonna have to dash to the room in a few minutes to keep from getting soaked. I close my eyes for a split second. Upon opening them the sun had been blocked by a cloud. All of a sudden it is not so bright where we are, making the darkness down the beach seem not so dark and less frightening.

There must be a spiritual emphasis here. There is, upon pointing out this thought to my husband, God reveals this: when your eyes are focused away from the Son (light), evil (darkness) doesn't seem so evil (dark). Likewise, when we are focused on the Son (light) the dark is DARK... AND SCARY.

While I'm glad that the light being covered on the beach revealed that it was safe to keep my spot by the ocean, I'm afraid at what dark paths I might be taking in life because my eyes aren't on Jesus.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. (John 1:1-5 ESV)

Our Father is omniscient. He has gone before. He knows what is good and wants to give it us. My prayer today is that I would know this and constantly be aware of this fact. He LOVES me and has my best interest at heart. I want to keep my eyes focused on HIM.

I hate to brag but,... no I don't!

Although my life has been very hectic and overwhelming these days there is one thing I can always count on, the unconditional love and support of my husband.

No this is not a birthday message, an anniversary of some sort, it is no special day for us at all, just an ordinary day. On days like these, though, I recognize the magnitude of blessing that God has bestowed upon me by giving me Mitchell as a helpmate. He is the most caring and selfless man I know. He always puts his family's needs above his own. Every word he speaks is thought out and carefully delivered. He is always striving to do his best at everything he does, even if he procrastinates a little. He is not easily angered and does his best to stay out of conflict. He boasts Christ and does everything in his power to point us to Him and lead us.  He loves us with everything he has. I know that's not an easy job when emotions are all over the place. I can not imagine life without him in it and hope to never have to. He is the rock that I can cling to on this earth and I am so grateful God chose to put us together. I am PROUD to call him my HUSBAND!

I am so in love with you Mitchell, more than ever before. Thank you for all that you are and all that you do for me and our family. You are my PERFECT match!

A Mom Needing to Vent...

It has been way to long since I have released these thoughts going through my head...

I didn't ask for this. I didn't pray for this. I do it because I love my Ann Margret (and all my kids). It's not easy and yes I'm worn out but what would you have me to do, nothing? If she needs therapy I'm there. If she needs to see a specialist I'm there. Please don't make me feel like we are a burden and that I don't realize how hard it is. I live it!

Lately I have been feeling very down and discouraged. I feel overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done in a day. Having kids is no walk in the park. Having three kids 4 and under... well its a wonder I get through a day and get anything accomplished. If you add on top of that a child with special needs, it gets a bit overwhelming and you tend to shut down. At least that is the case with me.

In my head I have a running list of all these things that need to be done. Like, laundry, dishes, shopping list, car maintenance, yard work, to do list, organization of this or that, how to get this weight off, and when to find time to do it or time period, getting one kid to school on time and another to therapy all while making sure the third is feed in a time where he won't start screaming during either, trying to remember when dr appts are... etc. At times it seems as though my head could explode at any moment. Right now is one of those times. I need a break, but I feel so guilty for wanting one. I mean, who says I just want to leave this house and these kids and get away. I love my family so much but something has got to give.

Sometimes I wonder why God would give me so much. I never really realized how easy it was with just one kid. Why would He do this to us. Why would He allow our daughter to have all these obstacles to face and on top of that give us another child 13 months later? There is not enough time in a day to do everything that needs to get done.

I want so badly to be the mom my kids look at and say she did everything she could to make our lives the best they could be. The thing is I don't feel I have done everything I can. I get so overwhelmed and frustrated I shut down. I stop doing anything productive and sulk in my own self pity.

I need to get out of this funk. I think a mini vacation is in order... guilt free! I have come to realize that time needs to be taken out for myself for the health of the whole family. It has taken awhile to realize that life isn't supposed to be easy. That the things you think are most important aren't the task that need to get done but the people in your life that need your attention and affection. I pray that I start practicing that in my daily life. So often my kids get what is left of me. I want them to experience fun and laughter, learn responsibilities, get hurt and get back up, love and compassion, triumphs and defeats and what it means to rely on Jesus. And I want to be the face of all those things to them. I want to be their MOM!

I feel like these thoughts are random and unrelated but this is my outlet.

My post today was inspired by a post I read here... Its funny how people with similar struggles get exactly how you feel, I'm glad they are there to express it more clearly.

EDIT: I know I am very blessed with the kids God has graciously given me. In times like now I know he is nudging me to trust Him and rely completely on Him. I am not ignorant to the fact there is a lesson to be learned. I'm just trying to get me head and my actions on the same wave length. I want to pour out the Love of Jesus at all times especially with my children but my flesh and selfishness get in the way a lot. God sanctifying me daily and most of you know sanctification can really hurt sometimes.

Happy Birthday Miles!

I can't believe that four years ago... almost to the minute (1045 pm) we welcomed our first born into the world. It has been an amazing 4 years with lots of ups and downs but I could not imagine life without Miles. He is the sweetest most loving kid, but shows his whiny side often. He loves cars still but has taken quite an interest in Legos and star wars (like father, like son). He is the best big brother any sibling could ask for. He loves Ann Margret and Nelson so much and is such a big help to mommy around the house when I am dealing with the "babies".

I am so glad God chose us to be his parents and am excited to see what this year holds. I hope its less whining and more cleaning... hey, I can hope, right?

Hi, its been awhile/ 2011 in review!

Well, busy life seems to have caught up to me, by evidence of my neglect to this blog. A lot has happened since you last heard from me. All will be seen in my 2011 in review below. Some of the days that I thought would be the most significant came and went without notice and others were definitely the center of attention. December 1st of 2010 was a devastating day to our family. I thought that every year it would be a depressing reminder of Ann Margret's diagnosis. This year, it went without notice. I am so thankful that my life is so full of joy and chaos that I don't have time to notice the anniversary of one of the most horrible days of my life. No one wants to hear that their child isn't "normal". Ann Margret is far from "normal," she is far from "ordinary," she is the most loving, funny, and beautiful little girl I know. I am so thankful that God saw fit to give us this little blessing. She has helped us grow as a family and love one another more fully but most importantly she has taught us to rely more on and hold fast to Jesus. She is amazing.

2011 has been one busy year for the Bagley household and I am excited to share this year with you in photos. ENJOY...

January! Miles turned 3. He had a lightening mcqueen party with a few of the family at home. It was great. He also got to celebrate with his preschool class.

February we dedicated Ann Margret at church. We had fun celebrating with family.

March, we visited the zoo for the first time. Miles loved it and ask all the time when we are going back.

April we celebrated easter! Miles got to go on an easter egg hunt with his class at school. Although, I didn't get any pictures.

May, we took miles bowling for the first time.

June, we had family vacation in the mountains and miles went to his first braves game.

Most of the rest of the summer is a blur.

August, miles started 3 y/o preschool.

September we got to attend our first PWS picnic... it is great to be around people who get what you are going through.

October was a busy month. We went to the fair and also celebrated AM's 1st birthday!

We also celebrated halloween and dressed up like a power ranger and a pumpkin.

November was quite eventful due to the fact we welcome the newest member of our family on Thanksgiving day... Nelson James Bagley

I have only loaded the photos I have on one of my cameras so here is what I have...

Finally in December we had lots of fun celebrating Jesus' birth with lots of Christmas activities.

I hope you enjoyed sharing our year. I'm sorry I have been absent for the last 8 months but I hope to post more regularly now that I am getting into a routine. Hope you all have had a great 2011 and that you are blessed with an awesome 2012.